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February 13, 2026
Look. We're not saying Friday the 13th and Valentine's Day being back-to-back this year is cosmically suspicious, but if your date tomorrow leans more unhinged than Hinge, you can't say the universe didn't warn you.
Jason Voorhees sends his regards, and also a reminder that in the absence of Cupid's arrows, machetes make a great conversation starter.
May the romantic odds -- and the odd romantics -- be ever in your favor.
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Careful, that coffee will go right through ya
Tag yourself, we're the Aztec death whistles
🍆How to Live With a Small Penis Notebook
10/10 Valentine gag gift. Or not gag gift, as the case may be
Hell hath no fury like a ratty chihuahua
And Now: Weird & Witty Tarot Decks
For Friday the 13th, or when Mercury is in Gatorade. Or whatever
For delicious divination
The wisdom of weed
Re: getting wrecked by the universe
Because #adulting
Cue the walking dread
